Monthly Archives: June 2018

DUBAI. PART 2: MR. FIVE PERCENT

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I was initially baffled by the dramatic rise of this place literally from the desert, amazed by the architecture the development and the total excess of just about everything. But think about it…. Dubai is a Kingdom so it has one ruler who sets the rules to suit himself and his country, and what better way to benefit yourself and country than by appealing to other people’s greed.

By offering a flat tax rate of five percent Dubai has attracted the biggest and more importantly wealthiest companies in the world. They have thrown billions at Dubai in exchange for a safe low tax haven that saves them millions and gives Dubai 5% of every dollar of profit they earn. This unfortunately robs the home country of revenue, but there you go that’s economics for you. The king who by default owns Dubai becomes Mr Five Percent and he is probably one of, if not the richest man in the world. We will never know because he does not reveal his wealth as a matter of religion.

So what about the people? There are basically three divisions.

1. Original citizens who get looked after with the best jobs (police, administration, customs etc.), free health care, housing, education (including living allowances and costs at overseas universities). They are the family.

2.Expatriates. They fill in the gaps, they do the menial jobs. Expats can never be citizens (unless they are a female who marries a local boy). These are the hangers on keen to earn the best living they can even if they have to leave their families in Pakistan, India etc.

3. Rich investors. Obviously are well looked after and if they do something for the glory of Dubai the King may offer them citizenship. I suspect a requirement would be conversion to Islam.

The best way to sum up Dubai is by quoting a really friendly Pakistani Taxi driver (who shall remain unnamed because I don’t know his name and I wouldn’t tell you if I did).

Driver: “What did you think of Dubai?”

Me: “Well…. Um….. Worlds biggest everything?”

Driver : “Yes, yes worlds biggest shopping mall, worlds biggest tower, worlds biggest water fountain, worlds biggest ferris wheel, worlds biggest dry dock for ships, worlds biggest man made island, if someone builds a big thing Dubai builds a bigger one and Dubai has the worlds biggest number of poor people. All the money is in the hands of the King  and about six or seven of his relatives you know”

Our driver is not really correct on two counts:

  1. There are many poorer people in other countries than in Dubai but the wealth distribution in Dubai is staggeringly inequitable.
  2. Australia still has the worlds biggest Banana, Prawn, Trout, Crocodile, Apple, Ugg boot and what about Uluru? Now that’s a Rock with a capital Ahh!

If I’ve been a bit harsh and serious today I’m sorry so I leave on a happy note. Dubai claims to be the safest country to live in the world (another world beater god love em!) so if you lose your wallet in the airport lounge along with your phone and newly exchanged euros ready for Spain, don’t panic someone will hand it in and you will most likely get it back two minutes before boarding the plane.

By the way we’re headed for Spain.

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Worlds biggest playground attraction.

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World biggest smart phone shoot.

DUBAI, DON’T BE SUCH A SOUK!

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Dubai’s history can be traced  back 3000 years but don’t panic I’m not interested in that either. Today Dubai is the trading hub of the middle east. The Souks, or old trading markets, have given way to multi story buildings , financial centres and tourism. Dubai is not even oil rich, that would be Abu Dhabi which bailed out Dubai financially a few years back. Dubai is the most populous of the seven United Arab Emirates. Today Dubai owns the largest shopping mall, tallest building, and the world’s first man made islands, as well as a very flash airport for the huge fleet of Emirates air planes to fly from. In short the old Souk has given way to a new Souk and it’s as chic as a sheik.

We are here for an overnight stop and a half day tour after fifteen hour flight and a ten minute nap so I guess we might not get a lot out of it. I’ll let you know a bit later …………..

SOME CONSIDERABLE TIME LATER

Well…… first they put us on the wrong bus, then we had to convince the driver that we didn’t want to go to the beach or the Dubai Mall (even if it was the worlds biggest). We finally convinced him we needed to connect with the REAL tour so he kindly dropped us back at the hotel where we then caught a taxi to meet up with the tour. All this on Vodaphone’s special “no deal with Dubai – Pay through the nose plan”.

So the tour was good, very good in fact despite the obvious connection between the tour company and every dodgy spice, gold, and art dealer in the greater Dubai area. The guide was informative without being critical of the social structure in Dubai (they lock you up for being critical).

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Dealer…. “Yes yes very cheap 50% off, very cheap” Tourist…. “Yes yes but there are no prices on anything!”

 

 

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Old is new again, re purposing the the Abra for the tourist trade on Dubai Creek.

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Dubai skyline from the worlds biggest man made island.

 

We fly tomorrow so more on today, tomorrow. Plus the “common man’s” take on Dubai as solicited from a local.

CONQUEST OF EUROPE 2018

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Greetings from outer space (well from the big silver flyie crashie thing anyway). It’s no secret that I am not a huge fan of flying (refer previous ramblings) however to travel any distance it’s marginally better than going by boat. As nice as boats are, if things go wrong in a boat in mid ocean you are definitely going to be at the mercy of the elements for much longer, and will no doubt take longer to die.

Before I forget, for the benefit of anyone stumbling over this blog site it is not intended to be educational, informative, accurate or even entertaining its purpose is to assist a small group of family and friends (mostly family not so many friends) in getting an update on where the writer and therefore his long suffering photographer wife are likely to be  ……so continue at your own peril.

Back to the big metal, highly flammable, scientifically correct but still scary aeroplane. How these things don’t crash more often amazes me, they weigh 360 odd tonnes empty and then the owners add another 200 tonnes fuel and cargo,  this gives us an all up weight of upwards of 560 tonnes. flying at a tad over 1000 kilometres per hour at a height of 13 kilometres. Your average car requires about 750 kilograms of steel, 180 kilograms of iron, 110 kilograms of plastics, 80 kilograms of aluminium, and 60 kilograms of rubber, as well as, less significant amounts of different materials so the total mass of a good size car is about 1.5 tonnes. Conclusion, 1 plane equals 370 cars give or take. I ask myself, how are you likely to get a Woolworth’s parking lot full of cars to fly and that question brings me to my next concern….. The plane is  going to have up to 320,000 liters of fuel on board to get it in the air and to it’s destination, that’s 10 semi trailers full of highly flammable jet fuel which is basically unleaded kerosene, so if this puppy engages with a suitable  heat source (read match) its going to be pretty warm in here. Much, much warmer than Mum and Dad’s old kero heater circa 1955. You know the one with the domed mesh burner that could pump out enormous amounts of carbon monoxide in a very short space of time. For those who aren’t aware carbon monoxide is a gas that that becomes a bit of a problem when it binds to haemoglobin and stops this protein from efficiently transporting oxygen around the body the final conclusion being a bit terminal. The most common symptoms of CO poisoning are headache, dizziness, weakness, upset stomach, vomiting, chest pain, and confusion. CO symptoms are often described as “flu-like”. The kero heater could have made us think we had the flu even if we didn’t. But don’t take my word for it ask Dr. Brian.

Fortunately, or not, the most common causes of air incidents (that’s crashes to you and I) are not spontaneous combustion or even CO poisoning they are in fact: pilot error, mechanical failure, weather, sabotage and the use of muppets in the maintenance department. So that makes me feel marginally happier about the kero heater situation.

Just remember the airline regards you’re life, health and safety as paramount in it’s total operation (even more important than profit) which is just as well because your life is in there hands.

The cargo manifest of any flight includes, among other things, the unsuspecting passengers who, luckily, for them are kept unaware of their impending demise. This is achieved through a series of  cleaver ploys which include but is not restricted to:

1. Courteous and helpful cabin staff. (Except Qantas staff on the Japan flights who sit up the back and drink the left over first class wine.)

2. The distribution at critical moments of little treats and snacks for being well behaved cargo. (We are just cargo by the way.)

3. Audio and visual distractions in the form of movies, music, info-commercials and the like. (These are designed to bore you into a false sense of security.)

4. Information  from airline staff that we will be arriving on time and all is well. (Information they can not possibly know to be correct.)

And my favourite

5. Free alcohol!

There is some suggestion that the oxygen levels on aircraft are kept artificially low to keep the passengers slightly sedated. While I don’t subscribe to this theory I can see some merit in the introduction of controlled amounts of nitrous oxide in to the cabin ventilation system.

Anyway, I’ve made my point (again) so I think I’ll sit back and relax, get one of the helpful cabin staff to  bring me a snack to have with a healthy supply of good old NUMBER 5 while I watch a distracting movie.

Snakes on a Plane starring Samuel L. Jackson….Excellent choice!

 

 

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Yup! It’s a snake alright.