LITCHFIELD CSI

There’s crime afoot and I’m just the puppy to expose it!

Somewhere in the Northern Territory bureaucracy there is someone who hates caravan owners and is excluding them from select places in Litchfield National Park. Areas that were previously accessible by caravan have been unceremoniously crossed of the list. What’s more they have been crossed off in a willie-nillie fashion. As you know I’m not one to use strong language like willie-nillie very often, so if I say willie-nillie, then you can be assured my dander is pretty well up.

Having driven the equivalent of the best part of half way across Europe to get to Litchfield National Park we were faced with absolutely nowhere to stay. All the previously accessible good spots have been set aside for the tent variety of travellers.

Left with the choice of either driving out of the Park and staying at a place called Bachelor, or staying in the “Tourist Precinct” located within the Park we chose the later. In hindsight we should have given Bachelor the benefit of the doubt.

The “Safari Camp” within The Park is about as appealing as having a tooth extracted without the anesthetic. I will leave it at that just in case the proprietors learn to read at some point in the future.

Anyway back to the CSI, and sorry about the jargon but we have been watching a few crime shows of late.

The “perp”, that’s short for the perpetrator, of the crime in question fits the following description. Forget the jargon bit by the way “perp” is the only jargon I know and I wanted to use it.

So the “perp” fits the following description:-

The “perp” wears khaki shorts and long sleeve shirt, leather hiking boots with gaiters, a pith helmet, carries numerous meticulously folded maps, has an orienteering compass around the neck, has a utility belt that Batman would trade Robin for (complete with torch, 2x multitools, waterproof matches, flares, back up expanding pith helmet and ten man ration pack), walks a bit like John Cleese and can be heard singing jolly little hiking songs the meaning of which totally elude me……and this is en-route to the office, not in the great outdoors, where he or she works as the person who decides who camps where.

So why is he or she doing this and why am I so upset? Well the “perp” is doing this because he or she is a total muppet and I am upset because every campground set aside for caravans was full and every campground set aside for “tent only” camping was empty and I do mean empty. My conclusion is simple this person was scared by a caravan when very young or has had a less than happy relation ship with a caravan.

All this aside, Litchfield Park is the “Waterworld” of the North.